Sunday 16 January 2011

an awkward happiness


i don't understand how people can be happy all the time. surely its impossible.
even smiling i can't do for long, its like my muscles can't take it and smiling becomes a painful effort.

i've just had the most wonderful afternoon on a bike ride in the quarry with someone special who makes me smile.
but i was sitting here, and for a time, completely forgot everything i have done today, all the smiles and laughs, the funny dancing, the smoking, the getting muddy from bike ride tumbles, the cherry flavoured sweets.


now i've eaten chocolate, which i am allergic too. so i feel ill, itchy, and have low self-control.

it is hard to stay happy for a long time. but its nice to know i'm not incapable of it.

4 comments:

  1. That's a brilliant cake.
    I shall not miss a post either!
    Your day sounds lovely, I haven't been on a bike ride in a long time. I can imagine, well, I know it's very refreshing and just, all the falling and getting muddy. Sorry I'm rambling but it reminds me of childhood, and we all need that once in a while.
    We went to the woods and it rained and rained but it didn't stop us, fucking english weather. We demolished the fence and made a huge fire to keep us warm.
    I know a few dangerously happy people. I don't understand how they do it. Maybe they're just ridiculously good liars. I find myself jealous, but at the same time I'm not sure I could cope with it.
    Nice to meet you, Ayesha.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i know the feeling babylove, just gotta smile xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you lovely. Although, I do have to spend a majority of my birthday in school, which won't be as great! I guess I can deal with it, it's just a day. 18 seems so far away for me, as 16 did when i first started here. Oh time is such a weird thing. Sorry, i hope you're alright, x.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i don't know how some people do it, i really don't

    and also, i love yours too

    ReplyDelete

hello words.