i have the perfect title 4 this but i cannot publish it as feelings will get hurt

some where in the ruffles of your skirt you will find yourself hiding, the you that you've abandoned. behind blinding crystals covering your face, reflecting the light so that no one else can see you, 

only the shimmering statue that is your art. 

the art of being good at being somebody you're not.

digital daze out

i haven't left my house in a couple of daze which has left me looking and feeling lyk this:

this week is blurring into one i can't define my memories or relate them to certain days. i can recall scenes of my life but i'm questioning weather they actually happened or wether they r dreams. but weather they happened or not it doesn't change the fact i've been sitting at my desk staring into this infinite void of pixil8ted reality for over 48 hours with nothing much achieved from it except a new blog layout and a couple of new social media connections.  

i'm even drinking my green tea from a facebook mug.

'facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your wife' 

I spend 10 daze in bulgaria (@ horizon festival) where I found this mug. 

 it was ten days of hedonistic freedom. my perceptions of reality and time were completely warped due to excessive non-stop partying. Horizon was amazing because it had the same feel as a traditional british festival (mind-altering substances, beautifully connected people & funky soulful melodies)  combined w/ awe-some landscape and skiing. 

8/5/13 ....NOW what has happened is that....

i never finished this post because my conscious took over...

beacuse i became trapped in a hole which is the internet, which is boredom, which is lack of motivation and my mind came off the roller coaster onto a pointless plateau where i wallowed in my own thoughts for two weeks too long... there 4 never finished writing this post and have thus forgotten the point of it but am posting anyway cos yeah.

be sure this won't happen again as i am letting my subconscious take over---- where the need to constantly be doing things exists, not my love of laziness....

n.b. 

i have left the house since i first wrote this post but i am still finding my self stuck in the void of the pixilated prison.

here are some gifs

 bye 

really into pop atm

bedroom pop

punk pop

funk pop

post pop

reggae pop

pop house

jungle pop

pop n bass

pop-step

physco-pop

femi-pop

anarchist pop

high pop

cry pop

sigh pop

die pop

F8

so its been 2 years since i last posted here.
i feel like a massive chunk of my life has been left out.

i mean. just because it isn't on 'my blog' doesn't mean it never happened. but i kinda wish i kept it up during these past two years as they have been the most wonderful life changing cosmic years of my life thus far.

i suppose i got scared of writing my personal thoughts online as it got me into a lot of trouble in the past at home and even @ school,, some things do need to stay private. i was naive but i don't regret writing it.
i do regret not writing at all though.

i have documented them in other ways... my photo diary, and endless videos.

but i find words and photos very different ways of documenting thoughts.

having a visual representation of memories are fantastic because there are so many moments of perfection, beauty, craziness, laughter, weirdness and beauty which would be a shame to forget.

but on the other hand when extreme emotions, elation, pure happiness, sadness and pain are related into words, some thing magic happens. 'photos say a thousand words'.... but imagine how many more words those thoughts inside your head contain... thoughts are ephemeral, they change with the weather. i'm sad because i have been on a big ass muthrr fuckin roller coaster of emotions over these two years, and i've developed so much,. i have grown into myself and becoming slowly who i really am. i've met the people who i will endlessly adore and love who have opened up my mind to new ideas and made me realise how special and exquisite we are.

and all this time i didn't write down my thoughts... hardly in my diary too.

i have my thoughts down through some poems, songs, and visual poems (films)... and confessed 2 many a thing in love letters that are still awaiting reply.

from now on.. here on this blog i will write my revised thoughts, dairy extracts, post photos of current works and music. poems, spoken word etc etc...

my frustration as an artist is getting more intense as i continue to create work. my head is filling up with ideas and i feel like my productivity output doesn't match this. i just want to pierce myself open and explode. except its not going to be an explosion, it won't be a violent eruption like a volcano, more like the aftermath... the lava rolling down the molten landscape. the pent up anger and pain which i can't reveal. i can't reveal it because i am a happy person. i'm too happy. i'm happy and i know that suffering is a part of life, samsara. without this pain u aren't able to appreciate the wonderful beautiful moments.
i'm attracting all the right things to me i know i'm on the right path. because everything is happening in perfect timing. everything is falling into place.

f8 is real. i believe.

i could keep writing for ever. but till my next post. c ya x

h8

i am forcing myself to start a new art project to keep

my mind off things and to keep my creative juice flowing

because i think i'm running dry

and that is my biggest fear

if i could describe how i am feeling through a series of photobooth images

swamped

scarred

hungry (but not hungry enough)

battered

blind

blue

bored

and realising that i have 28 days left of my summer/being at home

and 29 days left of being 17

the thought of it cripples me, i have wasted such a potentially amazing summer

and achieved absolutely nothing

except the epiphany moment when i realised how much of a waste of space i am

doing yesterday's to do list, today

i have jsut had a blood test so i feel really faint

but

i'm going to

• shower
• clean the washing machine (ironic right)
• go to my shed and update my journal
• start a project
• write a song
• do bursary stuff for uni
• sort this blog out
• sort my new blog out
• sort all ma blogs out
• sort my life out?
• stop sorting things out
• read catch 22
• slzzzzeezzzzzp

sounds good.

p.s. i'm a fucking wizard harryyyy

flooflame83